Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Adventures of Billy Bob: Part 2; Of Hair-do's, Hostages, and Goulash

  Billy Bob was flabbergasted when the confetti buried him beneath it's shininess, and even more flabbergasted when the robbers exploded into the room bearing heavy artillery. Although, being buried made it difficult to tell what was going on.

  What was even more flabbergasting...flabbergasting? Um....Shocking. What was even more shocking, however, was the fact that all four robbers (for there were four, remember) had wildly colored hair that jutted and/or fell from their heads in various crazy fashions. 

  Robber number one had a bright blue-and-red, foot-tall mohawk that went from front to back on his otherwise shaved head. He was also sporting a machine gun, leather vest, and an eyepatch. This guy appeared to be the leader. We'll call him Fruit Roll-Up, because really, who DOESN'T remember those delicious red-and-blue, foot-long treats?



  Robber number two had dark purple hair that hung in front of his face like the heavy velvet draperies of the rich and obnoxious. Thus, he couldn't really see what he was doing, and kept pointing his bazooka at his comrades, causing them to dive behind whatever or WHOever provided the best shelter. We'll call this confused little person Curtain Eyes. Curtain Eyes was very small, disproportionate to his weapon, causing most people to wonder how he carried it around at all.

  Robber number three had leaf-green hair that curled tightly to his head. How tightly, you ask? Let me put it this way: if you stretched out one of the curls, then let it go, it would hit him with such force he'd be knocked to the ground and, depending on how far you'd stretched the curl, it may very well knock him unconscious. Oddly enough, this scrawny fellow with the automatic handgun was also wearing a toga, prompting us to give him the name Caesar...Salad. Caesar Salad. It's more delicious. ;)

  Robber number four was by far the most intimidating. At least, to look at, he was. The sheer size of him was enough to keep all people but the very stupidist of people from laughing at his bright pink buzz cut. His arms bulged out of his I-ripped-the-sleeves-off-this-shirt-to-make-it-into-a-vest vest, and he towered at least a foot over everyone, even over Fruit Roll-Up's mohawk. His massive hands held no weapon, probably because he didn't need one. We'll call this giant...erm, giant, Hop, because....Well, you'll find out. 

  Billy Bob couldn't even see any of this until he'd managed to dig himself out of the confetti. By the time he clawed his way to the top, the robbers had chased the single security guard out of the building, and locked the doors. Billy Bob had to stop a moment and admire their skill. Not many people can lock a revolving door. 

  But Billy Bob's mental applause were cut short when Fruit Roll-Up yelled, "THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIME, SAYIN' AY-OH! I'M A HOSTAGE!!"

  Even the other robbers looked confused at that. Well, no one could tell if Curtain Eyes looked confused or not. At the moment he was pointing his bazooka at Hop. Hop pushed the barrel of the weapon back to point at the hostages. 

  Fruit Roll-Up cleared his throat and tried again. "Everybody over here, on the ground, now!"

  Billy Bob climbed out of his checkout-area, and was surprised to find that those were in only areas in which the confetti had fallen. The rest of the store was clear. 

  Right before Billy Bob could join the others in the ceremonial Huddle of the Hostages, the largest robber, Hop, lifted Billy Bob up, off his feet, by means of one huge hand around the much smaller man's neck.

"Hey, Boss, look!" exclaimed the brute. He seemed rather excited about something. Billy Bob was terrified to find out the reason for his excitement. Would he be killed?! Torn apart limb from limb? Made to eat goulash?!? The possibilities were endless and horrifying. 

What will happen to Billy Bob? Why is the huge one called Hop? Will Curtain Eyes ever get a haircut? Stay tuned. . . .

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